1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,750 (splendid music) 2 00:00:11,397 --> 00:00:14,480 (relaxed jazz music) 3 00:00:16,824 --> 00:00:18,163 - [Narrator] This is suburbia. 4 00:00:18,163 --> 00:00:20,214 You all know what suburbia is, 5 00:00:20,214 --> 00:00:21,774 the mecca of the city dwellers, 6 00:00:21,774 --> 00:00:24,104 their place in the sun, 7 00:00:24,104 --> 00:00:26,551 a good place to raise the kids, 8 00:00:26,551 --> 00:00:28,373 real homespun, 9 00:00:28,373 --> 00:00:31,283 bonafide togetherness in the suburbs. 10 00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:34,134 Yes indeed, suburbia, USA. 11 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:37,217 (relaxed jazz music) 12 00:00:41,235 --> 00:00:42,853 It's a Monday morning. 13 00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:45,902 Ah, here's a husband bravely going out 14 00:00:45,902 --> 00:00:48,104 for a challenging new day, 15 00:00:48,104 --> 00:00:51,474 and his wife sweetly sends him on his merry way 16 00:00:51,474 --> 00:00:53,795 with a tender kiss, aw. 17 00:00:53,795 --> 00:00:58,195 The suburban togetherness is something you'll see more of. 18 00:00:58,195 --> 00:01:01,112 (calm jazzy music) 19 00:01:07,814 --> 00:01:08,647 Oh, (clears her throat) 20 00:01:08,647 --> 00:01:12,464 oh excuse us, but didn't we see your husband just leave? 21 00:01:12,464 --> 00:01:16,302 Oh, well, they do things differently in suburbia. 22 00:01:16,302 --> 00:01:19,302 (smooth jazz music) 23 00:01:27,372 --> 00:01:29,133 Very differently. 24 00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:33,454 In fact, it's the difference that makes suburbia what it is. 25 00:01:33,454 --> 00:01:37,643 After all, you have to remember it's a Monday morning. 26 00:01:37,643 --> 00:01:39,064 It takes a couple of days 27 00:01:39,064 --> 00:01:41,573 to get everybody back in the right house. 28 00:01:41,573 --> 00:01:44,740 (careless jazz music) 29 00:01:50,512 --> 00:01:54,552 By the way, suburbia sure is a great place for a handyman, 30 00:01:54,552 --> 00:01:58,382 (chuckles) or is it any man that's handy? 31 00:01:58,382 --> 00:02:00,112 Variety is the spice of life, 32 00:02:00,112 --> 00:02:03,211 and there is certainly variety in suburbia. 33 00:02:03,211 --> 00:02:04,800 Oh don't worry, mister handyman, 34 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,680 you have the right tools, 35 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,760 but you may need that crash helmet. 36 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,843 (relaxed jazz music) 37 00:02:30,403 --> 00:02:33,236 (spring boinging) 38 00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:52,715 ♫ What's our favorite evening game 39 00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,624 ♫ Night baseball 40 00:02:54,624 --> 00:02:57,064 ♫ Aw baby you're all wet 41 00:02:57,064 --> 00:03:00,866 ♫ Let's swap partners is the name 42 00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:03,866 ♫ Suburban roulette 43 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,402 ♫ Where's my wife 44 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,391 ♫ Has anyone seen her 45 00:03:16,391 --> 00:03:20,202 ♫ Is she ring-a-dinging with that swinging set 46 00:03:20,202 --> 00:03:24,082 ♫ The other guy's wife is always greener 47 00:03:24,082 --> 00:03:27,082 ♫ Suburban roulette 48 00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:31,688 ♫ I love you madly baby 49 00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:36,002 ♫ So come on and hold me tight 50 00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:39,501 ♫ But don't feel badly baby 51 00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:43,668 ♫ If I love your sister tomorrow night 52 00:03:50,573 --> 00:03:54,365 ♫ Let's liven up this dead room 53 00:03:54,365 --> 00:03:58,205 ♫ There's life in the old boy yet 54 00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:01,965 ♫ It's fun and games time in the bedroom 55 00:04:01,965 --> 00:04:04,965 ♫ Suburban roulette 56 00:04:28,317 --> 00:04:31,938 ♫ There's a little lady in my life 57 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:35,346 ♫ Wouldn't trade her for the best 58 00:04:35,346 --> 00:04:37,666 ♫ Hey that's no lady 59 00:04:37,666 --> 00:04:39,397 ♫ That's my wife 60 00:04:39,397 --> 00:04:42,397 ♫ Suburban roulette 61 00:04:43,807 --> 00:04:47,426 ♫ Her husband's just a grouch dear 62 00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:51,266 ♫ My wife's a hopeless square 63 00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:54,807 ♫ There they are on the couch dear 64 00:04:54,807 --> 00:04:58,890 ♫ And they're just sitting there 65 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,666 ♫ Let me borrow your coat love 66 00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:13,346 ♫ It's nearly 6:00am my pet 67 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:17,075 ♫ Your husband will soon be home love 68 00:05:17,075 --> 00:05:20,858 ♫ Suburban roulette 69 00:05:20,858 --> 00:05:23,858 ♫ Suburban roulette 70 00:07:12,262 --> 00:07:15,012 (siren whirring) 71 00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:01,699 (weighty music) 72 00:08:10,341 --> 00:08:11,443 - The usual. 73 00:08:11,443 --> 00:08:14,276 (afflicted music) 74 00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:22,093 - [Paramedic] Life? 75 00:08:23,388 --> 00:08:24,221 - Barely. 76 00:08:24,221 --> 00:08:26,888 (weighty music) 77 00:08:33,686 --> 00:08:36,686 - When did you find her, Mr. Fisher? 78 00:08:38,195 --> 00:08:39,779 - About 20 minutes ago. 79 00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:44,579 Cindy and I had come back from the city to get her. 80 00:08:44,579 --> 00:08:45,657 - Was she alone here all night? 81 00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:48,074 (calm music) 82 00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,710 - Yes. 83 00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:56,877 My daughter and I had stayed in the city last night. 84 00:08:58,131 --> 00:09:00,091 - [Officer] Mr. Fisher, have you been in a fight? 85 00:09:00,091 --> 00:09:01,467 - No, sir. 86 00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:02,467 I fell down. 87 00:09:05,659 --> 00:09:06,492 You see, 88 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:11,600 my daughter and I stayed in the city last night 89 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:15,767 so we could give my wife a chance to straighten things out. 90 00:09:17,752 --> 00:09:20,043 We didn't know all this was gonna happen. 91 00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:22,694 We were only trying to pull our lives together. 92 00:09:22,694 --> 00:09:26,111 (expressive jazzy music) 93 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,822 She gonna live? 94 00:09:29,822 --> 00:09:31,101 - Of course she'll live. 95 00:09:31,101 --> 00:09:33,291 We'll get her to the hospital. 96 00:09:33,291 --> 00:09:34,820 - Mommy! 97 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:36,222 - Oh, sweetheart. 98 00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:37,189 It's all right, baby. 99 00:09:37,189 --> 00:09:38,308 She's still with us. 100 00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:40,308 It's gonna be all right. 101 00:09:59,377 --> 00:10:02,877 (velvety saxophone music) 102 00:10:22,876 --> 00:10:25,605 - [Narrator] It's a deadly game, suburban roulette. 103 00:10:25,605 --> 00:10:28,736 Somebody wins, somebody loses. 104 00:10:28,736 --> 00:10:32,707 Ilene Fisher played for stakes too high for her. 105 00:10:32,707 --> 00:10:34,456 We all did, us, 106 00:10:34,456 --> 00:10:36,456 Marty and Fran Conley, 107 00:10:36,456 --> 00:10:38,496 Ron and Margo Elston, 108 00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:40,506 and Bert and Ilene. 109 00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:44,845 You know how our little game of suburban roulette started? 110 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:45,997 Boredom. 111 00:10:45,997 --> 00:10:47,580 That's it, boredom. 112 00:10:48,624 --> 00:10:50,207 Every day the same. 113 00:10:51,957 --> 00:10:54,335 A new family moving in just adds tinder 114 00:10:54,335 --> 00:10:56,837 to a fire wanting to blaze. 115 00:10:56,837 --> 00:11:00,670 (desirable smooth jazz music) 116 00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:07,172 - My! - Look! 117 00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:09,415 - Oh boys, now come on now, stop that! 118 00:11:09,415 --> 00:11:10,953 Come on. 119 00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:11,843 Hi. 120 00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:13,345 I'm Fran Conley. 121 00:11:13,345 --> 00:11:15,191 We live just across the street. 122 00:11:15,191 --> 00:11:17,353 Welcome to suburban living. 123 00:11:17,353 --> 00:11:18,671 - Oh thanks a lot, Mrs. Conley. 124 00:11:18,671 --> 00:11:19,825 That's nice of you. 125 00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:21,204 - [Fran] Boys, now stop that! 126 00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:22,037 You be good. 127 00:11:22,037 --> 00:11:22,870 - I'm Bert Fisher. 128 00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:23,953 This is my wife, Ilene, 129 00:11:23,953 --> 00:11:25,122 and this is our daughter, Cindy. 130 00:11:25,122 --> 00:11:25,955 - Hi. 131 00:11:25,955 --> 00:11:26,844 Oh please call me Fran. 132 00:11:26,844 --> 00:11:27,840 Everyone does. 133 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:28,812 - All right. 134 00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:31,092 - Oh it's so wonderful being out here. 135 00:11:31,092 --> 00:11:33,721 I've lived all my life in the city. 136 00:11:33,721 --> 00:11:37,583 It's such a thrill to finally have our own home. 137 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:40,103 - Bert and I have lived out here for almost 10 years 138 00:11:40,103 --> 00:11:42,111 and we just love it. 139 00:11:42,111 --> 00:11:45,362 Say, listen, I'm sure you won't feel like cooking tonight, 140 00:11:45,362 --> 00:11:46,980 so why not come over to our house 141 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:49,141 for some hamburgers and a drink? 142 00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:50,631 - [Cindy] Oh can we, daddy? 143 00:11:50,631 --> 00:11:52,468 - Oh, Cindy, we don't wanna impose, honey. 144 00:11:52,468 --> 00:11:54,095 - Oh nonsense, Bert, nonsense. - I got a car full of-- 145 00:11:54,095 --> 00:11:55,512 - We want you to. 146 00:11:56,354 --> 00:11:57,831 - Well Fran, I'd just love it. 147 00:11:57,831 --> 00:11:58,735 - Great. 148 00:11:58,735 --> 00:12:00,695 We'll see you at 7:00? 149 00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:02,255 I'll invite the Elstons over too 150 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,103 so you'll meet the big shots at the end of the street. 151 00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:06,094 They have a pool. 152 00:12:06,094 --> 00:12:08,314 This time of year it pays to be friendly. 153 00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:09,752 (everyone laughs) 154 00:12:09,752 --> 00:12:10,585 - Oh thanks, Fran. 155 00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:11,693 - Good. - Thanks very much. 156 00:12:11,693 --> 00:12:12,526 - We'll see you at 7:00. 157 00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:13,533 - Okay. - Bye bye now. 158 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,366 - Come on, boys. - Goodbye. 159 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:15,783 - Come on. - Bye. 160 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,091 - [Bert] See you, boys. 161 00:12:19,091 --> 00:12:20,430 - [Fran] Paul, come on. 162 00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:23,638 (expressive trumpet music) 163 00:12:23,638 --> 00:12:24,830 - Hey look, honey. 164 00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:25,873 We're gonna make it out here, right? 165 00:12:25,873 --> 00:12:27,542 Tell me we're gonna make it. 166 00:12:27,542 --> 00:12:29,153 - Oh I hope you're right, Bert. 167 00:12:29,153 --> 00:12:31,679 - Will you forget about the city please? 168 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:32,691 Let's make a new start. 169 00:12:32,691 --> 00:12:35,321 Concentrate on getting into the set. 170 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,102 Look, you see how friendly the people are? 171 00:12:37,102 --> 00:12:37,935 - Yeah. 172 00:12:37,935 --> 00:12:40,742 - No more bulls for me, I promise you, 173 00:12:40,742 --> 00:12:42,833 and no more boyfriends for you. 174 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,491 Now is that a deal? 175 00:12:44,491 --> 00:12:47,233 - Oh I hope it can be, Bert. 176 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:50,561 - Mommy, daddy, I just know I'm gonna love it out here. 177 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,953 There'll be all sorts of kids for me to play with. 178 00:12:53,953 --> 00:12:56,513 Oh, and I just know we're all gonna be happy. 179 00:12:56,513 --> 00:12:59,313 Maybe now I can even have a puppy. 180 00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:02,063 (cheerful music) 181 00:13:38,894 --> 00:13:41,894 (people chattering) 182 00:13:49,072 --> 00:13:49,960 - [Female Voice] I think the camera's off. 183 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,752 - Hey, Bert. 184 00:13:51,752 --> 00:13:54,038 You're gonna like it out here, 185 00:13:54,038 --> 00:13:55,352 especially in the wintertime 186 00:13:55,352 --> 00:13:56,337 when the snowplow forgets 187 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,256 to come down to the end of the street, 188 00:13:58,256 --> 00:13:59,617 and then when they do come, 189 00:13:59,617 --> 00:14:02,927 they drop 10 feet of snow (laughs) right in your front yard. 190 00:14:02,927 --> 00:14:04,026 Would you believe it? - Wow. 191 00:14:04,026 --> 00:14:05,053 - [Fran] You sound like the Chamber of Commerce, Marty. 192 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,630 - [Bert] Better not drop it in my front yard. 193 00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:08,410 - Hey listen to those sons of his. 194 00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:10,250 They've made a fortune clearing out driveways. 195 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,602 I'm convinced they bribed the snowplow man. 196 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,534 - Oh very well nice and well done. 197 00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:18,184 - You mean cremated, don't you, Fran? 198 00:14:18,184 --> 00:14:20,987 - Well if you were any sort of a country gentleman, 199 00:14:20,987 --> 00:14:22,067 you'd be the chef, 200 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:22,976 so try it. 201 00:14:22,976 --> 00:14:26,492 (pleasurable music) 202 00:14:26,492 --> 00:14:28,075 - I collect beauty. 203 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,881 Actually I'm a manufacturer's representative, 204 00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:34,411 and that means that I find a good product 205 00:14:34,411 --> 00:14:36,211 and I sell it as fast as I can 206 00:14:36,211 --> 00:14:37,899 before they get wise to me. 207 00:14:37,899 --> 00:14:39,739 Then I go off and find another good product. 208 00:14:39,739 --> 00:14:42,720 - (laughs) Well it sounds interesting. 209 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,630 - Well the work isn't, but the money is. 210 00:14:46,630 --> 00:14:48,390 - Say, how about you, Bert? 211 00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:51,443 Are you outside cuddling like Ron and I are? 212 00:14:51,443 --> 00:14:52,313 - Oh, not me. 213 00:14:52,313 --> 00:14:53,253 I'm an inside man. 214 00:14:53,253 --> 00:14:55,393 I worry about production control 215 00:14:55,393 --> 00:14:57,990 in the hospital supply business. 216 00:14:57,990 --> 00:14:59,358 - Oh sounds challenging. 217 00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:00,691 - I think it is. 218 00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:02,623 I'll tell you why, 219 00:15:02,623 --> 00:15:04,470 because you'd be amazed at the progress they're making 220 00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:07,080 in the administrative field in the hospital service. 221 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,138 - I'll bet. 222 00:15:08,138 --> 00:15:09,150 (boy coughs and gags) 223 00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:09,983 - Can I have some too? 224 00:15:09,983 --> 00:15:10,880 - No. 225 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:11,737 - I want it. 226 00:15:11,737 --> 00:15:12,760 - No. 227 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,760 (pleasurable music) 228 00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:21,171 - That's how you do it, stupid. 229 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,570 - Franny, you've done it again. 230 00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:24,403 Well done. 231 00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:27,544 - Wise guy. 232 00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:29,982 - Let's play mommy and daddy. 233 00:15:29,982 --> 00:15:31,472 Cindy can by the mommy, 234 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,374 and you can be the daddy, Jerry. 235 00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:35,304 - Hey, that's a great idea. 236 00:15:35,304 --> 00:15:37,904 Cindy, you stand down there. 237 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,283 I'll stay here. 238 00:15:39,283 --> 00:15:42,116 And fellas, you can go over there. 239 00:15:45,064 --> 00:15:48,254 Now, I've just come home from work. 240 00:15:48,254 --> 00:15:50,510 First you make me a drink. 241 00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:52,723 Then you make you one. 242 00:15:52,723 --> 00:15:53,784 - Can I play too? 243 00:15:53,784 --> 00:15:54,883 - No. 244 00:15:54,883 --> 00:15:56,466 You can just watch. 245 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,007 Now, this is how dad does it. 246 00:16:01,603 --> 00:16:04,270 (boys laughing) 247 00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:11,453 Now you drink some, Cindy. 248 00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:12,294 - No. 249 00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:14,773 I don't think I wanna play this game. 250 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,151 ♫ Cindy is a sissy 251 00:16:17,151 --> 00:16:20,068 ♫ Cindy is a sissy 252 00:16:21,696 --> 00:16:23,376 - Oh what's the matter, honey? 253 00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:25,264 - Nothing, mommy. 254 00:16:25,264 --> 00:16:27,902 Are we going home soon? 255 00:16:27,902 --> 00:16:30,235 - Well no, sweetie, not right away. 256 00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:31,886 Aren't you having a good time? 257 00:16:31,886 --> 00:16:33,386 - Yes, I guess so. 258 00:16:35,256 --> 00:16:36,656 I'm tired. 259 00:16:36,656 --> 00:16:40,056 Could I just go home and go to bed? 260 00:16:40,056 --> 00:16:42,616 - Well I guess so, sweetie. 261 00:16:42,616 --> 00:16:44,446 Are you sure nothing's wrong? 262 00:16:44,446 --> 00:16:45,686 - Yes, mommy. 263 00:16:45,686 --> 00:16:47,936 I'm just tired, that's all. 264 00:16:50,795 --> 00:16:52,115 - All right then. 265 00:16:52,115 --> 00:16:53,443 Be right along. 266 00:16:53,443 --> 00:16:56,110 We'll see you in a little while. 267 00:16:59,674 --> 00:17:01,755 I wonder what's the matter with Cindy. 268 00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,726 - You know how kids are. 269 00:17:03,726 --> 00:17:04,686 She probably didn't like the game 270 00:17:04,686 --> 00:17:06,054 the Conley boys were playing. 271 00:17:06,054 --> 00:17:08,664 I saw Freddy snatching a glass of liquor. 272 00:17:08,664 --> 00:17:09,497 - Liquor? 273 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:13,264 Do you mean Fran allows the children to have liquor? 274 00:17:13,264 --> 00:17:14,446 - I don't think that's it. 275 00:17:14,446 --> 00:17:16,166 There is a lot of drinking in that house, 276 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:17,475 if you know what I mean, 277 00:17:17,475 --> 00:17:20,966 and well, kids tend to mimic their parents. 278 00:17:20,966 --> 00:17:24,275 - Oh dear, I hope the boys didn't give Cindy any liquor. 279 00:17:24,275 --> 00:17:26,214 We don't allow that. 280 00:17:26,214 --> 00:17:29,094 - Well little Cindy is safe at home 281 00:17:29,094 --> 00:17:31,534 and we came here to enjoy ourselves, 282 00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:36,014 so what do you say we go get acquainted, Ilene? 283 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:40,155 Let's not worry about these little family matters. 284 00:17:40,155 --> 00:17:42,526 You must've been a child bride. 285 00:17:42,526 --> 00:17:43,359 - I was. 286 00:17:45,344 --> 00:17:47,934 Right out of high school. 287 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:52,475 - Well it's nice to have a pretty new neighbor, Mrs. Fisher. 288 00:17:52,475 --> 00:17:54,595 I hope you're going to like it here. 289 00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:57,134 - Why thank you, Ron. 290 00:17:57,134 --> 00:17:59,134 I like it more and more. 291 00:18:02,652 --> 00:18:05,104 - Hey, Fran's got a whole lot of goodies here, Mrs. Elston. 292 00:18:05,104 --> 00:18:06,934 How do you like yours? 293 00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:09,934 - [Margo] I prefer mine plain, Bert. 294 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,104 - What'd you say? 295 00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:13,342 - Plain. 296 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,425 - Okay, here. 297 00:18:17,769 --> 00:18:21,331 - I'd like to invite you to our house next Saturday. 298 00:18:21,331 --> 00:18:24,509 I assure you we won't have hamburgers. 299 00:18:24,509 --> 00:18:25,342 - Oh. 300 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,240 - [Narrator] Ask any experienced players 301 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,520 of the game of suburban roulette 302 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,422 what's the best time to play, 303 00:18:36,422 --> 00:18:39,862 and they'll all answer Saturday night. 304 00:18:39,862 --> 00:18:42,782 Maybe it's because you can sleep the next day 305 00:18:42,782 --> 00:18:46,862 or maybe it's because it kind of rounds out the week, 306 00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:50,251 or maybe it's because the next day you can go to church 307 00:18:50,251 --> 00:18:51,640 and ask forgiveness 308 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,611 so that you can start another game of suburban roulette 309 00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:58,091 without being bothered by silly guilt feelings. 310 00:18:58,091 --> 00:19:00,508 Anyway, here it is, Saturday, 311 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,491 a perfect night for the game. 312 00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:08,816 (people laughing and chattering) 313 00:19:08,816 --> 00:19:11,009 - Once when I was in high school, 314 00:19:11,009 --> 00:19:11,842 (Bert and Fran laughing) 315 00:19:11,842 --> 00:19:13,329 oh god, 316 00:19:13,329 --> 00:19:16,452 my hair was all lopsided, oh. 317 00:19:16,452 --> 00:19:19,452 I must've been a junior or a senior. 318 00:19:21,324 --> 00:19:24,155 (Fran and Bert laughing) 319 00:19:24,155 --> 00:19:26,619 Or was I a sophomore? 320 00:19:26,619 --> 00:19:29,398 (laughs) I couldn't have been a freshman. 321 00:19:29,398 --> 00:19:30,956 I didn't even drink then! 322 00:19:30,956 --> 00:19:33,078 (Fran and Bert laughing) 323 00:19:33,078 --> 00:19:35,449 - You're a beautiful neighbor, Mrs. Fisher. 324 00:19:35,449 --> 00:19:37,756 - (laughs) Stop calling me Mrs. Fisher. 325 00:19:37,756 --> 00:19:39,910 You make me feel like an old lady. 326 00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:41,659 - You dance well too. 327 00:19:41,659 --> 00:19:42,830 - Thank you. 328 00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:46,579 - Boy, when I was in the Navy did I have a swell time. 329 00:19:46,579 --> 00:19:47,412 - Yeah? 330 00:19:47,412 --> 00:19:48,478 - Oh! 331 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:51,390 I was drunk all over the Mediterranean. 332 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:52,309 (Fran laughs) 333 00:19:52,309 --> 00:19:53,481 Wherever that is, 334 00:19:53,481 --> 00:19:55,825 whatever you call it. 335 00:19:55,825 --> 00:19:59,374 - I haven't danced like this since high school. 336 00:19:59,374 --> 00:20:00,683 - Having fun? 337 00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:01,516 - Oh yes. 338 00:20:02,664 --> 00:20:05,414 I had a lot of fun in high school. 339 00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:09,254 I didn't like school very much, but I liked the boys. 340 00:20:09,254 --> 00:20:13,223 (laughs) Nice boys who talked and laughed a lot 341 00:20:13,223 --> 00:20:17,390 and didn't worry about bills or how much I spent on clothes. 342 00:20:18,932 --> 00:20:21,932 Big smiling boys with big shoulders. 343 00:20:26,321 --> 00:20:30,071 Then high school was over and I went to work. 344 00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:32,690 Oh I hated it. 345 00:20:34,294 --> 00:20:39,014 All the boys went into the Army or went to college, 346 00:20:39,014 --> 00:20:43,181 and then Bert came along and filled all my emptiness. 347 00:20:44,472 --> 00:20:45,972 So we got married. 348 00:20:47,433 --> 00:20:50,183 (sensuous music) 349 00:20:51,846 --> 00:20:55,263 (Fran and Bert laughing) 350 00:21:04,046 --> 00:21:07,046 - One time when I was in this place, 351 00:21:08,185 --> 00:21:09,454 it was in Italy. 352 00:21:09,454 --> 00:21:13,345 (Fran and Bert laughing) 353 00:21:13,345 --> 00:21:14,178 Genoa! 354 00:21:14,178 --> 00:21:15,011 - Genoa! 355 00:21:15,011 --> 00:21:15,844 - Yeah! 356 00:21:15,844 --> 00:21:17,484 I was in Genoa. 357 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:20,204 And a bunch of us guys were just drunk 358 00:21:20,204 --> 00:21:22,365 and we were sitting around a table 359 00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:23,826 slopping down bread 360 00:21:23,826 --> 00:21:26,476 (unintelligibly slurs). 361 00:21:26,476 --> 00:21:29,037 - I better go check on Cindy. 362 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:31,965 I've never left her alone like this before. 363 00:21:31,965 --> 00:21:33,357 - That's a good idea. 364 00:21:33,357 --> 00:21:35,197 I'll come along with you. 365 00:21:35,197 --> 00:21:37,714 - I can make it okay. 366 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:41,146 - If anything ever happened to you, 367 00:21:41,146 --> 00:21:43,229 I'd never forgive myself. 368 00:21:44,255 --> 00:21:45,873 (Fran laughs) 369 00:21:45,873 --> 00:21:48,278 - And there's this big fat Italian 370 00:21:48,278 --> 00:21:50,246 and I all see was dinner buckets. 371 00:21:50,246 --> 00:21:52,444 (Fran laughs) 372 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:54,318 And I had a buddy. 373 00:21:54,318 --> 00:21:56,335 Wait a minute, let me finish. 374 00:21:56,335 --> 00:21:57,517 I had this buddy there. 375 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,366 What do you think his name was? 376 00:21:59,366 --> 00:22:00,706 - What? 377 00:22:00,706 --> 00:22:01,539 - Malcolm! 378 00:22:01,539 --> 00:22:04,473 (Bert and Fran laughing) 379 00:22:04,473 --> 00:22:07,625 And I turned around and he was gone! 380 00:22:07,625 --> 00:22:11,012 And I said, "Hey fat guy, where are you?" 381 00:22:11,012 --> 00:22:13,286 - "Fat guy, where are you?" 382 00:22:13,286 --> 00:22:16,675 - Hey, hold it, you got all kinds of mud all over your face! 383 00:22:16,675 --> 00:22:19,182 (Fran and Bert laughing) 384 00:22:19,182 --> 00:22:20,785 - Hey, how about a drink? 385 00:22:20,785 --> 00:22:24,023 - Oh we're doing just fine, Margo! 386 00:22:24,023 --> 00:22:25,985 - I'll stick to these martinis. 387 00:22:25,985 --> 00:22:27,384 - I'll bring the tray out. 388 00:22:27,384 --> 00:22:28,777 - Okay. 389 00:22:28,777 --> 00:22:29,777 Where was I? 390 00:22:30,897 --> 00:22:32,215 - Where was I? 391 00:22:32,215 --> 00:22:35,756 (Bert and Fran laughing) 392 00:22:35,756 --> 00:22:39,925 - Anyway, I'll tell you, I couldn't find Beckham, see. 393 00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:41,273 So I look around, 394 00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:42,966 and what do you think he did? 395 00:22:42,966 --> 00:22:43,799 - What? 396 00:22:43,799 --> 00:22:47,086 - He creaked off his chair on all fours. 397 00:22:47,086 --> 00:22:47,996 - What? 398 00:22:47,996 --> 00:22:51,297 - And he goes across the dance floor 399 00:22:51,297 --> 00:22:53,785 and bites this girl on the bottom! 400 00:22:53,785 --> 00:22:56,966 (Fran and Bert laughing) 401 00:22:56,966 --> 00:22:58,929 - We work well together, Mr. Conley. 402 00:22:58,929 --> 00:23:02,378 - Well you're an excellent hostess, Mrs. Elston. 403 00:23:02,378 --> 00:23:03,458 - Want a drink? 404 00:23:03,458 --> 00:23:04,999 - No offense. 405 00:23:04,999 --> 00:23:07,358 I'm afraid Franny's consumed all the rations 406 00:23:07,358 --> 00:23:09,707 for the Conley family tonight. 407 00:23:09,707 --> 00:23:12,832 - I think Bert Fisher is still on martinis. 408 00:23:12,832 --> 00:23:14,232 - Yeah. (laughs) 409 00:23:14,232 --> 00:23:17,154 I'm surprised he hasn't passed out yet. 410 00:23:17,154 --> 00:23:18,702 - Oh he will. 411 00:23:18,702 --> 00:23:20,785 - I'll get a lighter out. 412 00:23:22,295 --> 00:23:24,059 - Why bother? 413 00:23:24,059 --> 00:23:27,559 (pleasurable jazzy music) 414 00:23:38,687 --> 00:23:41,937 They're so angelic when they're asleep. 415 00:23:43,177 --> 00:23:44,707 Do you like children, Ron? 416 00:23:44,707 --> 00:23:45,874 - Oh yes, yes. 417 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:48,978 I hope to have some myself someday. 418 00:23:48,978 --> 00:23:52,228 (desirable jazz music) 419 00:23:57,479 --> 00:23:59,326 What's your hurry? 420 00:23:59,326 --> 00:24:01,167 - Shh, I don't want to wake her up. 421 00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:04,334 (charming jazz music) 422 00:24:19,116 --> 00:24:20,786 Wait, the baby, shh. 423 00:24:20,786 --> 00:24:23,953 (charming jazz music) 424 00:24:41,786 --> 00:24:43,215 No. 425 00:24:43,215 --> 00:24:44,048 No. 426 00:24:45,524 --> 00:24:46,441 No, please. 427 00:24:48,815 --> 00:24:49,898 Not here, no! 428 00:24:50,804 --> 00:24:51,640 - Shh. 429 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:52,890 It's all right. 430 00:24:54,252 --> 00:24:55,868 Shh. 431 00:24:55,868 --> 00:24:58,701 (desirable music) 432 00:25:02,818 --> 00:25:04,279 - No. 433 00:25:04,279 --> 00:25:05,218 No, don't. 434 00:25:05,218 --> 00:25:08,474 (sensual music) 435 00:25:08,474 --> 00:25:10,974 (Ilene moans) 436 00:25:33,499 --> 00:25:34,332 - Say, 437 00:25:35,998 --> 00:25:37,827 kind of hot in here, don't you think? 438 00:25:37,827 --> 00:25:40,494 Why don't we take a little walk? 439 00:25:42,658 --> 00:25:43,908 - Fine with me. 440 00:25:44,769 --> 00:25:48,019 (charming jazzy music) 441 00:25:50,594 --> 00:25:52,017 - Not this way. 442 00:25:52,017 --> 00:25:55,600 Franny's never as drunk as she seems to be. 443 00:25:59,606 --> 00:26:02,606 - Boy I really liked the Navy, Fran. 444 00:26:04,057 --> 00:26:08,297 I went to a lot of places and saw a lot of things, 445 00:26:08,297 --> 00:26:10,380 and I always felt secure, 446 00:26:11,268 --> 00:26:13,787 and I had a million friends. 447 00:26:13,787 --> 00:26:16,787 That's a good combination, ain't it? 448 00:26:18,285 --> 00:26:19,914 Franny? 449 00:26:19,914 --> 00:26:22,831 - We all got good memories, Bertie. 450 00:26:25,493 --> 00:26:29,660 Nobody ever realizes when they're well off though. 451 00:26:30,943 --> 00:26:34,026 You gotta take the good with the bad. 452 00:26:35,565 --> 00:26:36,474 But you know? 453 00:26:36,474 --> 00:26:37,307 - Hmm? 454 00:26:38,714 --> 00:26:41,503 - I wouldn't give up my boys for anything. 455 00:26:41,503 --> 00:26:44,670 (pleasant jazz music) 456 00:26:59,223 --> 00:27:01,140 - Beautiful night, huh? 457 00:27:03,983 --> 00:27:06,503 - When I was a little girl, 458 00:27:06,503 --> 00:27:10,343 I used to lie on the lawn and count the stars 459 00:27:10,343 --> 00:27:13,453 until I couldn't count any higher. 460 00:27:13,453 --> 00:27:15,703 And then I discovered boys. 461 00:27:17,523 --> 00:27:19,943 - Did you count the boys too? 462 00:27:19,943 --> 00:27:22,943 - Until I couldn't count any higher. 463 00:27:26,902 --> 00:27:29,985 (sensual jazz music) 464 00:28:44,670 --> 00:28:46,211 - Margo? 465 00:28:46,211 --> 00:28:47,044 Martin? 466 00:28:50,752 --> 00:28:52,282 Anybody? 467 00:28:52,282 --> 00:28:55,699 (pleasurable jazz music) 468 00:29:35,810 --> 00:29:38,891 - Mm, you smell like a man. 469 00:29:38,891 --> 00:29:40,974 (kisses) 470 00:29:42,681 --> 00:29:44,073 Oh don't go! 471 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:45,571 - I have to, baby. 472 00:29:45,571 --> 00:29:49,249 I'll lose my reputation as the perfect host. 473 00:29:49,249 --> 00:29:50,921 - Well thanks for a nice evening. 474 00:29:50,921 --> 00:29:52,504 - Don't mention it. 475 00:29:53,411 --> 00:29:56,051 - Oh Ron, please don't go. 476 00:29:56,051 --> 00:29:58,741 I don't want you to leave. 477 00:29:58,741 --> 00:30:00,433 Could you ever love me? 478 00:30:00,433 --> 00:30:01,933 - Well sure, baby. 479 00:30:04,003 --> 00:30:04,971 - Please don't go. 480 00:30:04,971 --> 00:30:08,361 - Now look, don't worry, I'll be back. 481 00:30:08,361 --> 00:30:10,028 - Kiss me goodnight. 482 00:30:24,691 --> 00:30:27,608 (slow sweet music) 483 00:30:30,189 --> 00:30:31,689 - Goodnight, Bert. 484 00:30:32,747 --> 00:30:34,447 I enjoyed it. 485 00:30:34,447 --> 00:30:37,364 (slow sweet music) 486 00:31:07,039 --> 00:31:07,872 Oh, baby. 487 00:31:10,299 --> 00:31:11,382 Mommy's here. 488 00:31:13,155 --> 00:31:14,072 I'm coming. 489 00:31:16,117 --> 00:31:17,784 Don't be frightened. 490 00:31:19,062 --> 00:31:19,979 I'm coming. 491 00:31:21,142 --> 00:31:23,559 Everything will be all right. 492 00:31:41,574 --> 00:31:43,074 - I love you, Ron. 493 00:31:44,953 --> 00:31:48,203 - I'll call you Monday from the office. 494 00:32:04,182 --> 00:32:07,682 (gentle orchestral music) 495 00:32:49,849 --> 00:32:51,766 - Anything left for me? 496 00:32:57,072 --> 00:32:58,322 - Always, baby. 497 00:33:00,531 --> 00:33:01,952 Always. 498 00:33:01,952 --> 00:33:05,369 (sweet orchestral music) 499 00:33:30,157 --> 00:33:30,990 - Bert. 500 00:33:31,918 --> 00:33:32,751 Bert. 501 00:33:32,751 --> 00:33:33,584 - Huh? 502 00:33:33,584 --> 00:33:34,577 - Come on, wake up. 503 00:33:34,577 --> 00:33:35,410 - Huh? 504 00:33:35,410 --> 00:33:37,177 - Come on, get up. 505 00:33:37,177 --> 00:33:39,098 It's time to go home. 506 00:33:39,098 --> 00:33:40,018 - Where you been? 507 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:41,799 - Oh come on, Bert. 508 00:33:41,799 --> 00:33:42,879 - Let me get my shoes. 509 00:33:42,879 --> 00:33:44,296 - Get your shoes. 510 00:33:46,283 --> 00:33:47,116 - I'm freezing. 511 00:33:47,116 --> 00:33:48,783 - Yes, yes, come on. 512 00:33:53,958 --> 00:33:57,490 - Welcome to suburbia, Mrs. Fisher. 513 00:33:57,490 --> 00:33:59,729 - [Narrator] Sleep on, Marty, sleep on. 514 00:33:59,729 --> 00:34:02,409 You've been playing suburban roulette so long 515 00:34:02,409 --> 00:34:04,671 even this game is starting to bore you, 516 00:34:04,671 --> 00:34:07,450 but the biggest hand is about to be dealt, 517 00:34:07,450 --> 00:34:09,859 and the game gets fast and loose. 518 00:34:09,859 --> 00:34:12,010 First we need a little preparation. 519 00:34:12,010 --> 00:34:16,250 By now Bert is just sober enough to feel sorry for himself. 520 00:34:16,250 --> 00:34:17,420 Oh don't worry, Bert, 521 00:34:17,420 --> 00:34:19,722 we all feel sorry for ourselves. 522 00:34:19,722 --> 00:34:22,460 That's how the game starts. 523 00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:24,311 - I don't want your help, you hear me? 524 00:34:24,311 --> 00:34:26,071 I don't want your help. 525 00:34:26,071 --> 00:34:27,738 Just leave me alone! 526 00:34:28,882 --> 00:34:30,570 I want some milk. 527 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:32,340 I want some milk! 528 00:34:32,340 --> 00:34:34,961 It's the same old story with you, ain't it? 529 00:34:34,961 --> 00:34:35,951 I take you to a party 530 00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:39,534 and you make it with the first guy you see. 531 00:34:40,761 --> 00:34:43,970 Just like the punks on the north side. 532 00:34:43,970 --> 00:34:46,879 Maybe you thought old thimble belly was too drunk 533 00:34:46,879 --> 00:34:48,887 and missed all the action, huh? 534 00:34:48,887 --> 00:34:50,719 Well I saw it! - Bert! 535 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,919 - I saw you climbing all over that slob. 536 00:34:53,919 --> 00:34:54,752 - [Ilene] What? 537 00:34:54,752 --> 00:34:56,658 - I've got news for you! 538 00:34:56,658 --> 00:34:57,491 Do you hear me? 539 00:34:57,491 --> 00:34:58,668 We're not moving! 540 00:34:58,668 --> 00:35:00,628 We're staying right here, 541 00:35:00,628 --> 00:35:02,647 because I'll take him for all he's got. 542 00:35:02,647 --> 00:35:07,596 Thimble belly Bert is mortgaged up to his eyeballs! 543 00:35:07,596 --> 00:35:09,247 Do you understand that? 544 00:35:09,247 --> 00:35:11,697 And if I catch that bum sniffing around here, 545 00:35:11,697 --> 00:35:12,864 I'll kill him! 546 00:35:17,783 --> 00:35:21,322 "Ole thimble belly can't hold his booze." 547 00:35:21,322 --> 00:35:22,924 That's what they used to say. 548 00:35:22,924 --> 00:35:25,763 That's what Speckles used to tell me! 549 00:35:25,763 --> 00:35:29,763 "But if you get some milk in him before revelry, 550 00:35:31,608 --> 00:35:34,458 "he won't get sick on you. 551 00:35:34,458 --> 00:35:38,368 "What are you getting out of the Navy for, Bert? 552 00:35:38,368 --> 00:35:40,078 "What are you gonna do, make a lot of dough 553 00:35:40,078 --> 00:35:44,245 "and marry some homey little broad and have a mess of kids? 554 00:35:45,326 --> 00:35:48,217 "Watch out for the pretty ones, Bert. 555 00:35:48,217 --> 00:35:50,390 "They'll spend all your dough on clothes 556 00:35:50,390 --> 00:35:54,908 "and they'll cheat on you every time you turn the other way. 557 00:35:54,908 --> 00:35:56,908 "Stay in the Navy, Bert. 558 00:35:58,069 --> 00:36:02,867 "A little runt like you looks good in a suavey suit!" 559 00:36:02,867 --> 00:36:05,699 - Bert, please, can't we talk about it tomorrow? 560 00:36:05,699 --> 00:36:06,537 - No! 561 00:36:06,537 --> 00:36:07,699 We'll talk about it now! 562 00:36:07,699 --> 00:36:08,798 (Ilene screams) 563 00:36:08,798 --> 00:36:09,950 - Bert! 564 00:36:09,950 --> 00:36:12,699 - You seduced every broken-down bum 565 00:36:12,699 --> 00:36:15,199 that ever looked at you twice. 566 00:36:16,190 --> 00:36:17,690 My wife's a tramp. 567 00:36:19,078 --> 00:36:21,078 A little stinking tramp. 568 00:36:22,636 --> 00:36:26,568 And I love her too much to do anything about it. 569 00:36:26,568 --> 00:36:28,985 (Bert cries) 570 00:36:30,048 --> 00:36:30,881 - Oh! 571 00:36:34,379 --> 00:36:36,796 (Bert cries) 572 00:36:47,819 --> 00:36:50,402 (upbeat music) 573 00:37:29,952 --> 00:37:31,243 ♫ I'm gonna throw some milk at you 574 00:37:31,243 --> 00:37:32,083 - Oh no you're not! 575 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:33,000 - Yes I am! 576 00:37:34,929 --> 00:37:36,723 ♫ Ha ha ha ha 577 00:37:36,723 --> 00:37:38,422 ♫ I got the paper 578 00:37:38,422 --> 00:37:39,255 - Let me have the funnies! 579 00:37:39,255 --> 00:37:40,088 - No I want it! 580 00:37:40,088 --> 00:37:40,921 Give it! 581 00:37:40,921 --> 00:37:41,754 - If you don't give me the funnies, 582 00:37:41,754 --> 00:37:43,563 I'm gonna smash a egg on your head! 583 00:37:43,563 --> 00:37:44,980 - I dare you too! 584 00:37:46,270 --> 00:37:47,912 (kid laughs) 585 00:37:47,912 --> 00:37:49,872 - I'm gonna tell mommy! 586 00:37:49,872 --> 00:37:50,705 Mommy! - Shut up! 587 00:37:50,705 --> 00:37:54,101 (boys screaming over each other) 588 00:37:54,101 --> 00:37:55,243 - Oh! 589 00:37:55,243 --> 00:37:57,243 You stop that screaming! 590 00:37:59,580 --> 00:38:01,362 Mommy, mommy, Jerry won't-- 591 00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:02,920 (everyone screams over each other) 592 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,282 - Shush! 593 00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:05,572 You'll wake up your father and the baby. 594 00:38:05,572 --> 00:38:07,322 - He's already awake. 595 00:38:10,471 --> 00:38:12,660 Fran, I wanna talk to you. 596 00:38:12,660 --> 00:38:16,459 Why don't you feed these kids a decent breakfast? 597 00:38:16,459 --> 00:38:18,151 - Why don't I? 598 00:38:18,151 --> 00:38:20,260 Now you look at me, Martin Conley. 599 00:38:20,260 --> 00:38:22,300 In case you thought I didn't notice last night, 600 00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:23,430 I wanna talk to you. 601 00:38:23,430 --> 00:38:26,431 - Not in front of the kids, huh. 602 00:38:26,431 --> 00:38:27,750 - [Jerry] Come on, fellows. 603 00:38:27,750 --> 00:38:28,583 - [Marty] Go take a bath. 604 00:38:28,583 --> 00:38:30,916 - They're gonna fight again. 605 00:38:34,778 --> 00:38:36,498 - You've got a mouth. 606 00:38:36,498 --> 00:38:37,607 Boy I'll say that for you. 607 00:38:37,607 --> 00:38:39,487 You've got a big mouth. 608 00:38:39,487 --> 00:38:42,068 - Well you got something pretty big yourself, 609 00:38:42,068 --> 00:38:44,907 big enough to spread around the neighborhood. 610 00:38:44,907 --> 00:38:46,327 Was it good? 611 00:38:46,327 --> 00:38:48,668 Did you enjoy yourself? 612 00:38:48,668 --> 00:38:49,988 Well I didn't! 613 00:38:49,988 --> 00:38:50,821 Not that you noticed! 614 00:38:50,821 --> 00:38:51,818 You never notice! 615 00:38:51,818 --> 00:38:52,651 - Shut up! 616 00:38:53,698 --> 00:38:55,115 Now just shut up. 617 00:38:58,490 --> 00:39:00,058 Aw come on, Fran, come on, 618 00:39:00,058 --> 00:39:02,137 we gotta get the kids to 619 00:39:02,137 --> 00:39:02,998 (Fran cries) 620 00:39:02,998 --> 00:39:03,831 a church. 621 00:39:10,420 --> 00:39:13,087 (puzzled music) 622 00:39:17,776 --> 00:39:19,827 - [Narrator] Sunday in suburbia, 623 00:39:19,827 --> 00:39:22,235 the most relaxed day of all. 624 00:39:22,235 --> 00:39:24,568 A quiet day, as you can see. 625 00:39:25,645 --> 00:39:27,644 Let the minister worry for a while. 626 00:39:27,644 --> 00:39:30,576 Church is Sunday morning babysitting out here. 627 00:39:30,576 --> 00:39:33,243 (shadowy music) 628 00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:06,681 Cindy of course doesn't need this. 629 00:40:06,681 --> 00:40:09,161 She's babysitting with her mother and father. 630 00:40:09,161 --> 00:40:11,994 (perplexed music) 631 00:41:39,393 --> 00:41:43,012 And for Ron and Margo, Sunday is another day together 632 00:41:43,012 --> 00:41:47,252 for two strangers who happen to be married to each other. 633 00:41:47,252 --> 00:41:49,132 Ah, togetherness. 634 00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:52,478 That's why all of us look forward to our weekends. 635 00:41:52,478 --> 00:41:55,145 (puzzled music) 636 00:41:57,078 --> 00:42:01,128 And it's always the guy who wasn't drunk the night before 637 00:42:01,128 --> 00:42:04,176 who has to mow his lawn at 10:00am, 638 00:42:04,176 --> 00:42:06,248 practically the crack of dawn. 639 00:42:06,248 --> 00:42:09,248 (lawnmower rumbles) 640 00:42:11,113 --> 00:42:13,206 Okay, everybody up. 641 00:42:13,206 --> 00:42:16,539 (slow expressive music) 642 00:42:41,713 --> 00:42:45,630 (moves into smooth jazz music) 643 00:45:22,266 --> 00:45:26,016 (moves into fast jazz music) 644 00:45:55,935 --> 00:45:57,647 - These, these are pretty good. 645 00:45:57,647 --> 00:45:59,895 I think I could probably use about a gross 646 00:45:59,895 --> 00:46:00,877 of every one of them. 647 00:46:00,877 --> 00:46:01,967 - Make it a gross and a half. 648 00:46:01,967 --> 00:46:03,245 You're gonna need it, believe me. 649 00:46:03,245 --> 00:46:06,426 This is our line for next Valentine's Day. 650 00:46:06,426 --> 00:46:09,077 Here's the gimmick and it is beautiful. 651 00:46:09,077 --> 00:46:11,195 All the other companies are putting out Valentine cards 652 00:46:11,195 --> 00:46:12,028 in this size. 653 00:46:12,028 --> 00:46:13,607 What has Detroit been doing 654 00:46:13,607 --> 00:46:16,634 to sell more cars to the American public than they need? 655 00:46:16,634 --> 00:46:18,344 Planned obsolescence, right? 656 00:46:18,344 --> 00:46:19,527 You buy a car this year, 657 00:46:19,527 --> 00:46:21,344 next year the same model's two inches longer, 658 00:46:21,344 --> 00:46:23,037 three inches wider, right? 659 00:46:23,037 --> 00:46:26,223 Okay, the kids go out and buy the competition's cards, 660 00:46:26,223 --> 00:46:27,695 which are the small ones, 661 00:46:27,695 --> 00:46:29,927 but then your cards hit the stands 662 00:46:29,927 --> 00:46:30,997 and they've gotta buy them 663 00:46:30,997 --> 00:46:32,037 because they've gotta keep up 664 00:46:32,037 --> 00:46:34,095 with the kids next door, right? 665 00:46:34,095 --> 00:46:36,167 But you haven't seen anything yet. 666 00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,695 This just gets them thinking that way, 667 00:46:38,695 --> 00:46:42,195 and then we hit them with the real capper. 668 00:46:43,287 --> 00:46:44,735 Now how about that. 669 00:46:44,735 --> 00:46:46,517 - (laughs) It's cute, 670 00:46:46,517 --> 00:46:49,767 but don't you think that's a little bit too sophisticated 671 00:46:49,767 --> 00:46:51,506 for the youngsters today? 672 00:46:51,506 --> 00:46:52,727 - Sophisticated? 673 00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:55,087 Come on, have you look at the youngsters today lately? 674 00:46:55,087 --> 00:46:56,767 They're more sophisticated than we are. 675 00:46:56,767 --> 00:46:57,600 Listen. 676 00:46:58,614 --> 00:47:01,375 My little daughter is gonna get one of these babies 677 00:47:01,375 --> 00:47:02,967 bright and early Valentine's Day 678 00:47:02,967 --> 00:47:04,173 and I know she's gonna love it. 679 00:47:04,173 --> 00:47:06,167 (knocking at the door) 680 00:47:06,167 --> 00:47:07,000 Come in. 681 00:47:09,255 --> 00:47:10,426 - Excuse me, Mr. Elston, 682 00:47:10,426 --> 00:47:13,093 but the caller said it's urgent. 683 00:47:14,796 --> 00:47:15,637 - Excuse me just a minute. 684 00:47:15,637 --> 00:47:17,405 Charlie, you just take these and look through them. 685 00:47:17,405 --> 00:47:20,226 I'm sure you're gonna find lots of things you're gonna need. 686 00:47:20,226 --> 00:47:21,059 Hello? 687 00:47:24,375 --> 00:47:25,208 Yes. 688 00:47:26,994 --> 00:47:27,827 Yes. 689 00:47:31,683 --> 00:47:33,683 About 3:00 will be fine. 690 00:47:35,693 --> 00:47:36,526 Likewise. 691 00:47:38,493 --> 00:47:40,576 I'll see you then, honey. 692 00:47:41,743 --> 00:47:42,576 Bye bye. 693 00:47:44,522 --> 00:47:45,714 Wives. 694 00:47:45,714 --> 00:47:48,613 Every little thing is a crisis. 695 00:47:48,613 --> 00:47:50,685 - [Ilene Voiceover] I shouldn't have called him. 696 00:47:50,685 --> 00:47:53,274 He's not that type of man. 697 00:47:53,274 --> 00:47:56,135 Oh why can't I be patient? 698 00:47:56,135 --> 00:48:00,165 I'd sure like to know what's going on in his marriage, 699 00:48:00,165 --> 00:48:01,965 but I just can't ask him. 700 00:48:01,965 --> 00:48:04,548 (hushed music) 701 00:48:17,426 --> 00:48:18,586 - Fran? 702 00:48:18,586 --> 00:48:19,419 Hi, Ilene. 703 00:48:20,466 --> 00:48:21,754 Say, would you mind very much 704 00:48:21,754 --> 00:48:25,894 if Cindy played over at your house this afternoon? 705 00:48:25,894 --> 00:48:28,045 I have to go into town. 706 00:48:28,045 --> 00:48:28,962 Oh, thanks. 707 00:48:29,906 --> 00:48:32,114 Yes, I have a doctor's appointment. 708 00:48:32,114 --> 00:48:34,281 Oh no no, nothing serious. 709 00:48:35,466 --> 00:48:37,716 Oh thank you so much, Fran. 710 00:48:39,186 --> 00:48:41,095 - Why, Ilene must have a crush on her doctor. 711 00:48:41,095 --> 00:48:44,944 She's in town three out of five days. (laughs) 712 00:48:44,944 --> 00:48:45,777 Honestly. 713 00:48:53,434 --> 00:48:55,106 - I'm sorry, Fran. 714 00:48:55,106 --> 00:48:57,866 Sometimes my pendulum just swings the wrong way. 715 00:48:57,866 --> 00:48:59,992 - But it never stops swinging, does it? 716 00:48:59,992 --> 00:49:02,154 - No, it never does. 717 00:49:02,154 --> 00:49:03,987 Let's forget it, okay? 718 00:49:06,554 --> 00:49:08,615 - Forget it, Margo. 719 00:49:08,615 --> 00:49:11,282 Let's cool off and have a drink. 720 00:50:19,649 --> 00:50:21,008 - What the devil do you mean 721 00:50:21,008 --> 00:50:22,328 by calling me at the office 722 00:50:22,328 --> 00:50:23,530 and saying it's urgent? 723 00:50:23,530 --> 00:50:25,280 I almost lost a sale. 724 00:50:27,050 --> 00:50:28,050 - I'm sorry, 725 00:50:28,938 --> 00:50:30,119 but I love you, Ron, 726 00:50:30,119 --> 00:50:32,786 and I wanted to hear your voice. 727 00:50:48,498 --> 00:50:50,628 - Come here, baby. 728 00:50:50,628 --> 00:50:52,658 - Love me, Ron. 729 00:50:52,658 --> 00:50:53,491 Love me. 730 00:51:43,307 --> 00:51:46,464 I hope you don't mind my bringing this dress over, Margo. 731 00:51:46,464 --> 00:51:48,823 Sewing isn't one of my talents. 732 00:51:48,823 --> 00:51:51,046 I'm having some trouble pinning in things. 733 00:51:51,046 --> 00:51:52,246 - Oh not at all, Ilene. 734 00:51:52,246 --> 00:51:54,366 That's what neighbors are for. 735 00:51:54,366 --> 00:51:55,595 Why don't you slip out of this? 736 00:51:55,595 --> 00:51:57,644 We'll see how this looks. 737 00:51:57,644 --> 00:51:59,086 - Could you give me a hand? 738 00:51:59,086 --> 00:52:00,646 - Sure. 739 00:52:00,646 --> 00:52:03,563 (expressive music) 740 00:52:10,875 --> 00:52:13,375 - Well, what are you thinking? 741 00:52:15,486 --> 00:52:16,986 - Very, very nice. 742 00:52:21,056 --> 00:52:22,715 - What do you do all day, Margo, 743 00:52:22,715 --> 00:52:25,915 with Ron at the office and no kids to watch? 744 00:52:25,915 --> 00:52:28,566 - Oh I manage to amuse myself. 745 00:52:28,566 --> 00:52:29,896 Here, slip into this. 746 00:52:29,896 --> 00:52:30,729 - Okay. 747 00:52:36,264 --> 00:52:39,795 How long have you and Ron been married? 748 00:52:39,795 --> 00:52:40,712 - 12 years. 749 00:52:42,886 --> 00:52:45,636 You're a very pretty girl, Ilene. 750 00:52:47,344 --> 00:52:49,104 Did you know that? 751 00:52:49,104 --> 00:52:51,304 - Why thank you, Margo. 752 00:52:51,304 --> 00:52:53,935 Why is it you and Ron have no children? 753 00:52:53,935 --> 00:52:55,018 Oh I'm sorry. 754 00:52:55,875 --> 00:52:58,336 That's an awful personal question. 755 00:52:58,336 --> 00:53:00,669 - Oh, I guess that Ron and I 756 00:53:01,886 --> 00:53:03,014 are just different 757 00:53:03,014 --> 00:53:05,744 than the rest of the people out here, Ilene. 758 00:53:05,744 --> 00:53:07,069 I kind of got the idea 759 00:53:07,069 --> 00:53:09,731 that maybe you were different too, Ilene. 760 00:53:09,731 --> 00:53:12,081 - Well I see we are different. 761 00:53:12,081 --> 00:53:14,061 - Oh Ilene, I'm sorry. 762 00:53:14,061 --> 00:53:15,622 I apologize. 763 00:53:15,622 --> 00:53:17,922 Life is made up of a lot of kinds. 764 00:53:17,922 --> 00:53:19,405 Since we're going to be neighbors out here, 765 00:53:19,405 --> 00:53:21,347 let's try to be friends. 766 00:53:21,347 --> 00:53:22,755 Try to understand, huh? 767 00:53:22,755 --> 00:53:24,267 - Oh I understand. 768 00:53:24,267 --> 00:53:25,627 I understand a lot. 769 00:53:25,627 --> 00:53:26,460 A lot! 770 00:53:29,497 --> 00:53:31,796 - Hurry then so we can play badminton. 771 00:53:31,796 --> 00:53:32,836 - All right, gang, 772 00:53:32,836 --> 00:53:34,377 let's have a little action, huh? 773 00:53:34,377 --> 00:53:36,674 You know I haven't won any money in months? 774 00:53:36,674 --> 00:53:39,757 Now's the time to take a real pigeon. 775 00:53:40,925 --> 00:53:41,977 - You can say that again. 776 00:53:41,977 --> 00:53:42,845 - Say, how about you, Ron? 777 00:53:42,845 --> 00:53:44,497 You're a betting man. 778 00:53:44,497 --> 00:53:46,865 - Money bores me, Marty. 779 00:53:46,865 --> 00:53:47,865 - All right. 780 00:53:48,845 --> 00:53:49,678 All right. 781 00:53:52,687 --> 00:53:55,196 I know something that won't bore you. 782 00:53:55,196 --> 00:53:57,916 Why don't we play for flesh? 783 00:53:57,916 --> 00:53:59,967 - [Fran] Marty, cut it out. 784 00:53:59,967 --> 00:54:00,895 - Oh come on, Fran, 785 00:54:00,895 --> 00:54:03,945 it's just like a post office in 8th grade. 786 00:54:03,945 --> 00:54:05,744 - Yeah, I know your brand of post office. 787 00:54:05,744 --> 00:54:07,191 If 8th graders played like that 788 00:54:07,191 --> 00:54:09,901 they'd have to get married before they went to high school. 789 00:54:09,901 --> 00:54:11,690 - Oh come on, Franny. 790 00:54:11,690 --> 00:54:14,202 Humor the gambling spirit in your old man. 791 00:54:14,202 --> 00:54:17,049 - Hey I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, look. 792 00:54:17,049 --> 00:54:18,141 Maybe if the rain lets up 793 00:54:18,141 --> 00:54:20,261 we could go outside and get a little badminton in 794 00:54:20,261 --> 00:54:21,810 and get out of this stuffy house. 795 00:54:21,810 --> 00:54:24,192 - Oh come on, Bert, relax, will you? 796 00:54:24,192 --> 00:54:25,282 Look, I'll tell you what we'll do. 797 00:54:25,282 --> 00:54:27,560 We'll even auction off Bert first. 798 00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,962 - Ladies and gentlemen! 799 00:54:29,962 --> 00:54:32,369 Hurry hurry hurry hurry, 800 00:54:32,369 --> 00:54:33,941 step right up, place your bets, 801 00:54:33,941 --> 00:54:37,501 place your bets for good old Bert Fisher. 802 00:54:37,501 --> 00:54:38,711 Black or red, what'll it be? 803 00:54:38,711 --> 00:54:40,889 Who will bid for Bertie baby? 804 00:54:40,889 --> 00:54:41,722 - I'll take black. 805 00:54:41,722 --> 00:54:43,921 - Okay, now Fran, that means you've got the red, 806 00:54:43,921 --> 00:54:48,020 and away we go here and around she goes! 807 00:54:48,020 --> 00:54:50,020 - Oh come on, Bert, it's just for fun. 808 00:54:50,020 --> 00:54:51,687 - Oh nice clean fun. 809 00:54:53,607 --> 00:54:55,580 And the winner is black! 810 00:54:55,580 --> 00:54:56,566 (Fran and Ron laughing) 811 00:54:56,566 --> 00:54:58,728 - Come on, Bert, you're all mine. 812 00:54:58,728 --> 00:55:02,574 - [Ron] (laughs) All natural, baby! 813 00:55:02,574 --> 00:55:05,014 - All right, now we're gonna bet and play 814 00:55:05,014 --> 00:55:08,505 for good old handsome Ron Elston. 815 00:55:08,505 --> 00:55:09,338 (Fran laughs) 816 00:55:09,338 --> 00:55:10,411 - I'll take black. 817 00:55:10,411 --> 00:55:12,411 - Well I guess I stick with red. 818 00:55:12,411 --> 00:55:14,610 - I'm with you and away with go. 819 00:55:14,610 --> 00:55:16,443 And the winner is red! 820 00:55:18,030 --> 00:55:21,142 Fran Conley, step right up and claim your prize. 821 00:55:21,142 --> 00:55:22,302 - [Ron] I'm all yours, baby. 822 00:55:22,302 --> 00:55:23,250 - Oh me. 823 00:55:23,250 --> 00:55:26,008 (Ron laughs) 824 00:55:26,008 --> 00:55:30,175 - And our lovely hostess claims the dealer by default. 825 00:55:34,737 --> 00:55:36,586 (laughs) 826 00:55:36,586 --> 00:55:37,728 Beautiful! 827 00:55:37,728 --> 00:55:39,561 I am at your disposal. 828 00:55:43,897 --> 00:55:45,349 - Just... 829 00:55:45,349 --> 00:55:46,946 - [Marty] Mike! 830 00:55:46,946 --> 00:55:48,730 - I'm your love slave. 831 00:55:48,730 --> 00:55:52,130 - Well good for you. (laughs) 832 00:55:52,130 --> 00:55:54,271 Whatever happened to badminton, Bert? 833 00:55:54,271 --> 00:55:55,519 (Fran and Ron laughing) 834 00:55:55,519 --> 00:55:57,936 (soft music) 835 00:56:02,749 --> 00:56:04,847 - If we're gonna play kissing games, Bert, 836 00:56:04,847 --> 00:56:07,239 we gotta turn down the lights. 837 00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:08,617 - Look, I don't like this, Margo. 838 00:56:08,617 --> 00:56:09,527 You understand, babe? 839 00:56:09,527 --> 00:56:11,538 It isn't right. 840 00:56:11,538 --> 00:56:14,623 - Bert, people do what they wanna do. 841 00:56:14,623 --> 00:56:17,162 You can't change the menagerie. 842 00:56:17,162 --> 00:56:19,482 They do what they wanna do, 843 00:56:19,482 --> 00:56:21,133 and I wanna do this. 844 00:56:21,133 --> 00:56:23,883 (romantic music) 845 00:56:35,282 --> 00:56:37,101 - Okay, Marty, there's your kiss. 846 00:56:37,101 --> 00:56:38,842 Now let's go back to the party. 847 00:56:38,842 --> 00:56:39,675 - Oh now come on, 848 00:56:39,675 --> 00:56:41,441 what's your hurry, neighbor? 849 00:56:41,441 --> 00:56:42,493 I been trying to say hello to you 850 00:56:42,493 --> 00:56:44,962 ever since you moved in. 851 00:56:44,962 --> 00:56:45,795 - Well, 852 00:56:46,651 --> 00:56:48,053 hello. 853 00:56:48,053 --> 00:56:50,720 (amorous music) 854 00:56:59,279 --> 00:57:00,710 - Ron! - Shh, pussycat! 855 00:57:00,710 --> 00:57:02,941 (Ron kisses) (Fran laughs) 856 00:57:02,941 --> 00:57:04,352 - Oh come with me to the-- 857 00:57:04,352 --> 00:57:05,562 - All right, enough, okay. 858 00:57:05,562 --> 00:57:07,232 - We make the beautiful kittens together. 859 00:57:07,232 --> 00:57:08,612 - Okay, all right. 860 00:57:08,612 --> 00:57:10,253 Oh come on now! 861 00:57:10,253 --> 00:57:12,704 (Ron laughs) 862 00:57:12,704 --> 00:57:14,864 - I must be getting old, 863 00:57:14,864 --> 00:57:18,384 because this kind of exercise tires me out. 864 00:57:18,384 --> 00:57:22,624 - I thought you were pretty big on kissing games, Ron. 865 00:57:22,624 --> 00:57:23,773 - Who ever gave you that idea? 866 00:57:23,773 --> 00:57:25,792 - Oh I've watched you roam around the neighborhood. 867 00:57:25,792 --> 00:57:26,803 - Oh have you now? 868 00:57:26,803 --> 00:57:29,342 - Mm-Hmm, but you're not the only one. 869 00:57:29,342 --> 00:57:30,544 - Mm? 870 00:57:30,544 --> 00:57:32,960 - I've watched your wife and my husband 871 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,062 move around the orchard. 872 00:57:35,062 --> 00:57:36,952 They've been doing pretty well for over a year now. 873 00:57:36,952 --> 00:57:38,535 - Why tell me that? 874 00:57:40,432 --> 00:57:42,184 Do you want a divorce, Franny? 875 00:57:42,184 --> 00:57:44,272 - [Fran] (laughs) With four kids? 876 00:57:44,272 --> 00:57:48,552 - Look, my wife leads her life, I lead mine. 877 00:57:48,552 --> 00:57:49,551 We like it that way. 878 00:57:49,551 --> 00:57:51,884 No accusations, just smiles. 879 00:57:53,653 --> 00:57:56,653 - Am I supposed to smile too? 880 00:57:56,653 --> 00:57:59,152 - All right, what do you really want from me, Franny? 881 00:57:59,152 --> 00:58:01,150 - I don't know. 882 00:58:01,150 --> 00:58:02,233 I'm not sure. 883 00:58:03,542 --> 00:58:07,758 I don't know if I want you and Margo to move 884 00:58:07,758 --> 00:58:11,119 or if I want you to even up the score, Ron. 885 00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:14,036 (expressive music) 886 00:58:17,773 --> 00:58:19,242 - Marty, please! 887 00:58:19,242 --> 00:58:20,853 Let's go back to the party. 888 00:58:20,853 --> 00:58:23,792 - (laughs) Come on, what's the matter, kid? 889 00:58:23,792 --> 00:58:25,872 You Elston's private stock? 890 00:58:25,872 --> 00:58:27,544 - Well what's that supposed to mean? 891 00:58:27,544 --> 00:58:31,293 - (laughs) Come on, Ilene, I've got eyes. 892 00:58:31,293 --> 00:58:32,653 You've been giving Elston freebies. 893 00:58:32,653 --> 00:58:34,261 Why stop now? 894 00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:35,352 (slaps) 895 00:58:35,352 --> 00:58:37,813 Why you rotten little... 896 00:58:37,813 --> 00:58:39,333 (Ilene screams) 897 00:58:39,333 --> 00:58:41,693 - Don't hurt me, please! 898 00:58:41,693 --> 00:58:42,776 Don't hit me! 899 00:58:46,296 --> 00:58:48,474 (Ilene screams) 900 00:58:48,474 --> 00:58:49,307 Don't hurt me! 901 00:58:49,307 --> 00:58:51,536 Please don't hurt me! 902 00:58:51,536 --> 00:58:52,656 (Ilene screams) 903 00:58:52,656 --> 00:58:55,323 (amorous music) 904 00:59:15,037 --> 00:59:19,204 (moves into expressive jazzy music) 905 01:02:14,493 --> 01:02:18,076 (moves into weighty music) 906 01:02:42,994 --> 01:02:45,314 - I've had enough! 907 01:02:45,314 --> 01:02:47,754 You're nothing but a bunch of animals, all of you. 908 01:02:47,754 --> 01:02:49,005 Animals! 909 01:02:49,005 --> 01:02:51,583 Look, does any one of you have any self-respect? 910 01:02:51,583 --> 01:02:52,416 Answer me. 911 01:02:52,416 --> 01:02:54,424 Any one of you? 912 01:02:54,424 --> 01:02:56,394 Like Sodom and Gomorrah out here. 913 01:02:56,394 --> 01:02:57,227 - Bert, please! 914 01:02:57,227 --> 01:02:58,773 - I don't care! 915 01:02:58,773 --> 01:03:00,474 I'm calling a real estate broker in the morning 916 01:03:00,474 --> 01:03:01,674 and I'm selling out! 917 01:03:01,674 --> 01:03:03,285 I can't live like this! 918 01:03:03,285 --> 01:03:05,594 Look, if you're still my wife, Ilene, 919 01:03:05,594 --> 01:03:08,234 you get home and pack up, now! 920 01:03:08,234 --> 01:03:09,944 - [Ilene] Please, excuse us. 921 01:03:09,944 --> 01:03:11,944 - [Bert] Come on, Cindy. 922 01:03:14,123 --> 01:03:15,463 A bunch of animals. 923 01:03:15,463 --> 01:03:18,796 I meant what I said, a bunch of animals. 924 01:03:19,653 --> 01:03:23,602 - (laughs) He was much quieter last night. 925 01:03:23,602 --> 01:03:25,592 - Maybe we'd better go too, Franny. 926 01:03:25,592 --> 01:03:26,425 - Go? 927 01:03:26,425 --> 01:03:29,781 Aw, I've got enough eggs to stuff an army. 928 01:03:29,781 --> 01:03:33,042 - I'm afraid we've never been very big for breakfast. 929 01:03:33,042 --> 01:03:33,952 Thanks anyway. 930 01:03:33,952 --> 01:03:35,413 - Can't we eat first? 931 01:03:35,413 --> 01:03:36,961 Everything's all prepared. 932 01:03:36,961 --> 01:03:39,878 - Let them go, Franny, let them go. 933 01:03:40,722 --> 01:03:42,501 - Well thanks for the coffee. 934 01:03:42,501 --> 01:03:45,251 (pleasant music) 935 01:03:57,970 --> 01:04:02,137 - Maybe this should be a moment of truth for us too. 936 01:04:03,631 --> 01:04:04,798 - Yeah, maybe. 937 01:04:06,410 --> 01:04:07,591 Kids. 938 01:04:07,591 --> 01:04:11,471 Go on in and eat some of those eggs your mother made. 939 01:04:11,471 --> 01:04:14,319 - [Fran] How much can I take, Marty? 940 01:04:14,319 --> 01:04:17,170 First it's Margo, now it's Ilene. 941 01:04:17,170 --> 01:04:18,610 Am I supposed to see no evil 942 01:04:18,610 --> 01:04:21,663 and raise the kids while you develop a harem? 943 01:04:21,663 --> 01:04:23,039 - Don't push it, Franny. 944 01:04:23,039 --> 01:04:25,554 Just leave well enough alone. 945 01:04:25,554 --> 01:04:27,402 - Well enough? 946 01:04:27,402 --> 01:04:31,024 You call tomcatting around the neighborhood well enough? 947 01:04:31,024 --> 01:04:33,774 Well what am I, your housekeeper? 948 01:04:34,866 --> 01:04:39,076 Maybe I should move your bed out into the yard for two. 949 01:04:39,076 --> 01:04:40,807 - All right, Franny, 950 01:04:40,807 --> 01:04:42,186 you wanna talk about it? 951 01:04:42,186 --> 01:04:43,567 We'll talk about it. 952 01:04:43,567 --> 01:04:46,516 Every time we get together, we got another kid on the way, 953 01:04:46,516 --> 01:04:49,865 or else you're too drunk to know what's going on. 954 01:04:49,865 --> 01:04:52,537 We've been out here 10 years, 10 stinking years. 955 01:04:52,537 --> 01:04:54,606 I've driven a company car a million miles, 956 01:04:54,606 --> 01:04:56,167 and what do I gotta show for it? 957 01:04:56,167 --> 01:04:58,378 A mortgaged house and a pile of debts, 958 01:04:58,378 --> 01:04:59,794 and four roughneck kids 959 01:04:59,794 --> 01:05:01,588 who don't give a darn whether I live or die, 960 01:05:01,588 --> 01:05:02,964 and a flob of a wife 961 01:05:02,964 --> 01:05:04,668 who stays just a little bit drunk 962 01:05:04,668 --> 01:05:06,577 so that a dirty house doesn't look filthy. 963 01:05:06,577 --> 01:05:07,946 - Oh it's all my fault. 964 01:05:07,946 --> 01:05:10,465 You're out there in the orchard with mattress-back Margo 965 01:05:10,465 --> 01:05:11,664 because of me, 966 01:05:11,664 --> 01:05:12,905 how touching. 967 01:05:12,905 --> 01:05:16,358 (uncertain music) 968 01:05:16,358 --> 01:05:19,238 - Franny, what's the use of fighting? 969 01:05:19,238 --> 01:05:20,488 What's the use? 970 01:05:21,737 --> 01:05:23,154 We're just stuck. 971 01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:27,358 All the beautiful dreams we had, 972 01:05:27,358 --> 01:05:30,557 now they just aren't gonna happen. 973 01:05:30,557 --> 01:05:32,809 We've got four kids to take care of 974 01:05:32,809 --> 01:05:36,598 and I'm never gonna get off the ground. 975 01:05:36,598 --> 01:05:40,765 I'm just a traveling salesman, just like in the jokes, 976 01:05:41,617 --> 01:05:43,462 with a finer car. 977 01:05:43,462 --> 01:05:45,961 And you, you're a little Nell, 978 01:05:45,961 --> 01:05:48,411 jumping from one ice cube to another, 979 01:05:48,411 --> 01:05:51,340 escaping across a river of bourbon. 980 01:05:51,340 --> 01:05:54,102 - Oh when did we stop trying, Marty? 981 01:05:54,102 --> 01:05:56,561 What happened to our love? 982 01:05:56,561 --> 01:05:58,113 - Oh honey. 983 01:05:58,113 --> 01:05:59,461 - Oh please love me, Marty. 984 01:05:59,461 --> 01:06:01,271 Please care. 985 01:06:01,271 --> 01:06:03,331 I'll be everything you want. 986 01:06:03,331 --> 01:06:04,691 I promise I'll stop drinking. 987 01:06:04,691 --> 01:06:07,161 I'll clean up the house. 988 01:06:07,161 --> 01:06:08,361 Just love me. 989 01:06:08,361 --> 01:06:10,241 Give me back my self-respect. 990 01:06:10,241 --> 01:06:11,142 (Fran cries) 991 01:06:11,142 --> 01:06:14,830 - [Jerry] Mom, dad, here's some fresh coffee. 992 01:06:14,830 --> 01:06:15,747 - Oh, baby. 993 01:06:16,971 --> 01:06:18,561 - Thanks son. 994 01:06:18,561 --> 01:06:21,269 Come on, sweetheart, let's have some coffee, okay? 995 01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,102 All right? 996 01:06:24,906 --> 01:06:26,296 - I'm not going with you, Bert! 997 01:06:26,296 --> 01:06:27,915 I don't love you! 998 01:06:27,915 --> 01:06:29,386 Ron Elston's gonna get a divorce 999 01:06:29,386 --> 01:06:30,986 and we're gonna get married. 1000 01:06:30,986 --> 01:06:32,677 I love him very much. 1001 01:06:32,677 --> 01:06:35,317 - So that explains all those afternoons, huh? 1002 01:06:35,317 --> 01:06:36,150 - Yes! 1003 01:06:36,150 --> 01:06:36,983 Yes! 1004 01:06:36,983 --> 01:06:39,384 We meet and we make love! 1005 01:06:39,384 --> 01:06:41,266 He's so strong. 1006 01:06:41,266 --> 01:06:44,306 He satisfies me completely! 1007 01:06:44,306 --> 01:06:46,906 He's a real man and I love him! 1008 01:06:46,906 --> 01:06:48,146 - Why you little... 1009 01:06:48,146 --> 01:06:50,363 (Cindy screams) 1010 01:06:50,363 --> 01:06:51,644 You're nothing but a tramp! 1011 01:06:51,644 --> 01:06:53,273 You're not my wife, you understand?! 1012 01:06:53,273 --> 01:06:54,793 You're a tramp! 1013 01:06:54,793 --> 01:06:55,753 - Mommy! 1014 01:06:55,753 --> 01:06:57,873 Daddy, mommy, stop! (Ilene screams) 1015 01:06:57,873 --> 01:06:59,892 Daddy, mommy, stop! (Ilene screams) 1016 01:06:59,892 --> 01:07:01,223 - Well get out of my house! 1017 01:07:01,223 --> 01:07:03,150 Get out and stay out before I kill you! 1018 01:07:03,150 --> 01:07:03,983 (Cindy screams) 1019 01:07:03,983 --> 01:07:04,816 - Mommy! 1020 01:07:09,286 --> 01:07:11,119 - Ron, Ron, he hit me! 1021 01:07:14,795 --> 01:07:15,697 Honey. 1022 01:07:15,697 --> 01:07:16,716 He hit me. 1023 01:07:16,716 --> 01:07:18,305 He hit me! 1024 01:07:18,305 --> 01:07:20,217 - Look, come on, control yourself, take it easy. 1025 01:07:20,217 --> 01:07:21,050 - I told him. 1026 01:07:21,050 --> 01:07:22,105 I told him everything. 1027 01:07:22,105 --> 01:07:23,324 I told him about our afternoons. 1028 01:07:23,324 --> 01:07:25,837 Oh Ron, please, please, help me, Ron. 1029 01:07:25,837 --> 01:07:26,670 I love you! 1030 01:07:26,670 --> 01:07:27,503 Run away with me. 1031 01:07:27,503 --> 01:07:28,847 - Control yourself, baby. - Run away. 1032 01:07:28,847 --> 01:07:30,916 - Get a hold of yourself. 1033 01:07:30,916 --> 01:07:34,716 Look look look look, your family's waiting for you. 1034 01:07:34,716 --> 01:07:35,549 - Ron! 1035 01:07:35,549 --> 01:07:37,469 Ron, honey, please, no! 1036 01:07:37,469 --> 01:07:40,802 - I said your family is waiting for you. 1037 01:07:41,698 --> 01:07:42,565 (Ilene cries) 1038 01:07:42,565 --> 01:07:45,315 (frenzied music) 1039 01:08:00,485 --> 01:08:01,987 What's the matter with you? 1040 01:08:01,987 --> 01:08:03,737 - I'm gonna kill you. 1041 01:08:04,907 --> 01:08:05,740 (Ron screams) 1042 01:08:05,740 --> 01:08:08,240 (tense music) 1043 01:08:23,544 --> 01:08:25,961 (Ron shouts) 1044 01:08:28,696 --> 01:08:31,140 - [Ilene] Ron, Bert, stop! 1045 01:08:31,140 --> 01:08:32,690 - [Ron] You started it! 1046 01:08:32,690 --> 01:08:34,662 You came over here for the last time! 1047 01:08:34,662 --> 01:08:37,511 (frantic music) 1048 01:08:37,511 --> 01:08:39,481 (Ilene cries) 1049 01:08:39,481 --> 01:08:40,314 - Come here. 1050 01:08:40,314 --> 01:08:41,721 Ilene, come on. 1051 01:08:41,721 --> 01:08:43,458 Ilene, honey, come on. 1052 01:08:43,458 --> 01:08:44,958 Come on, Bert, up. 1053 01:08:57,770 --> 01:09:00,530 What are you starting fights like that for, Bert? 1054 01:09:00,530 --> 01:09:01,363 - Cindy, baby. 1055 01:09:01,363 --> 01:09:02,290 - Daddy, are you all right? 1056 01:09:02,290 --> 01:09:04,437 - Come here-- - No! 1057 01:09:04,437 --> 01:09:05,270 - Cindy. 1058 01:09:06,448 --> 01:09:09,077 (Ilene cries) 1059 01:09:09,077 --> 01:09:11,410 (sad music) 1060 01:10:43,341 --> 01:10:46,091 (car door slams) 1061 01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:54,883 - So long, thimble belly. 1062 01:12:00,958 --> 01:12:04,041 (relaxed jazz music) 1063 01:12:14,629 --> 01:12:16,967 - [Ron Voiceover] I collect beauty. 1064 01:12:16,967 --> 01:12:20,269 But when the beauty's gone, I get rid of it. 1065 01:12:20,269 --> 01:12:22,936 (relaxed music) 1066 01:12:35,109 --> 01:12:36,407 (knocking at the door) 1067 01:12:36,407 --> 01:12:39,324 (foreboding music) 1068 01:12:41,067 --> 01:12:42,317 - Go away, Ron. 1069 01:12:43,437 --> 01:12:46,549 I don't wanna see you again. 1070 01:12:46,549 --> 01:12:49,632 - [Ron] I've come to apologize, baby! 1071 01:12:50,648 --> 01:12:51,481 Come on, honey, 1072 01:12:51,481 --> 01:12:53,218 the least you can do is let me explain. 1073 01:12:53,218 --> 01:12:55,885 (ominous music) 1074 01:13:00,056 --> 01:13:02,485 (banging on the door) 1075 01:13:02,485 --> 01:13:04,152 - [Ilene] All right. 1076 01:13:05,305 --> 01:13:07,495 What difference does it make? 1077 01:13:07,495 --> 01:13:10,495 (suspenseful music) 1078 01:13:19,065 --> 01:13:22,616 - I feel very badly about this afternoon, Ilene, 1079 01:13:22,616 --> 01:13:24,626 but important decisions like divorces 1080 01:13:24,626 --> 01:13:27,209 just aren't made in back yards. 1081 01:13:30,336 --> 01:13:31,808 I love you, baby, 1082 01:13:31,808 --> 01:13:35,146 but it's gonna take time for us both to get unattached. 1083 01:13:35,146 --> 01:13:39,229 I mean we've gotta make plans one step at a time. 1084 01:13:40,416 --> 01:13:43,928 We've had our moments, and we'll have more, 1085 01:13:43,928 --> 01:13:47,595 but don't rock the boat, baby, not just now. 1086 01:13:49,186 --> 01:13:50,019 - Get out. 1087 01:13:51,465 --> 01:13:53,798 - Don't tell me to go, baby. 1088 01:13:54,728 --> 01:13:55,645 I love you. 1089 01:13:56,797 --> 01:13:57,714 I want you. 1090 01:13:59,608 --> 01:14:00,955 Now look. 1091 01:14:00,955 --> 01:14:03,157 I didn't mean to hurt the little guy, 1092 01:14:03,157 --> 01:14:04,877 but he hit me first, look! 1093 01:14:04,877 --> 01:14:07,294 (dark music) 1094 01:14:09,305 --> 01:14:11,396 Come on now, baby. 1095 01:14:11,396 --> 01:14:13,313 We're a team, remember? 1096 01:14:15,317 --> 01:14:17,747 - Oh why was I such a fool? 1097 01:14:17,747 --> 01:14:20,497 (troubled music) 1098 01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:25,458 I wanted someone to love me, 1099 01:14:26,485 --> 01:14:28,787 but you don't love me, Ron. 1100 01:14:28,787 --> 01:14:29,954 You never did! 1101 01:14:31,485 --> 01:14:35,068 Just one more handsome, lying, no-good bum! 1102 01:14:38,173 --> 01:14:40,693 (Ilene cries) 1103 01:14:40,693 --> 01:14:43,776 And now I've lost my little girl too. 1104 01:14:45,253 --> 01:14:46,586 Get out of here. 1105 01:14:49,115 --> 01:14:53,115 For the first time, you make me appreciate Bert. 1106 01:14:55,003 --> 01:14:56,503 - Don't cry, baby. 1107 01:14:57,603 --> 01:15:01,024 We can work this little thing out. 1108 01:15:01,024 --> 01:15:03,162 - Get out of here, Ron. 1109 01:15:03,162 --> 01:15:05,643 Please leave me alone! 1110 01:15:05,643 --> 01:15:08,060 - Even if it's goodbye, baby, 1111 01:15:09,144 --> 01:15:10,593 let's do this right! 1112 01:15:10,593 --> 01:15:11,426 (Ilene screams) 1113 01:15:11,426 --> 01:15:13,533 (Ilene cries) 1114 01:15:13,533 --> 01:15:16,283 (troubled music) 1115 01:15:21,493 --> 01:15:25,243 (moves into contented music) 1116 01:15:54,638 --> 01:15:58,270 - [Narrator] And this, my friends, is togetherness. 1117 01:15:58,270 --> 01:16:00,098 It's rare, I admit, 1118 01:16:00,098 --> 01:16:02,830 but you can see it is possible 1119 01:16:02,830 --> 01:16:04,891 when a player of suburban roulette 1120 01:16:04,891 --> 01:16:07,070 picks up whatever chips he has left 1121 01:16:07,070 --> 01:16:10,219 and decides to cash them in for good. 1122 01:16:10,219 --> 01:16:13,200 Quitting the game is like kicking the habit. 1123 01:16:13,200 --> 01:16:14,238 You know it's good for you, 1124 01:16:14,238 --> 01:16:17,091 but at the same time you have some doubts. 1125 01:16:17,091 --> 01:16:19,800 But there are still some players left. 1126 01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:21,899 One great aspect of suburban roulette 1127 01:16:21,899 --> 01:16:24,150 is that the game can continue 1128 01:16:24,150 --> 01:16:27,200 until the last player has lost his stake. 1129 01:16:27,200 --> 01:16:29,530 Incidentally, what you see here 1130 01:16:29,530 --> 01:16:34,371 may well keep a few future players out of the game. 1131 01:16:34,371 --> 01:16:36,869 Moral gamblers, please note. 1132 01:16:36,869 --> 01:16:39,202 (sad music) 1133 01:16:56,845 --> 01:16:58,087 - Good night, baby. 1134 01:16:58,087 --> 01:17:00,670 (tragic music) 1135 01:18:24,807 --> 01:18:27,307 (Ilene cries) 1136 01:18:59,972 --> 01:19:02,639 (sensual music) 1137 01:19:16,180 --> 01:19:19,140 - [Narrator] You'll find of a good suburban roulette player, 1138 01:19:19,140 --> 01:19:22,420 she's always ready for a new game. 1139 01:19:22,420 --> 01:19:24,420 And as I told you before, 1140 01:19:24,420 --> 01:19:27,820 for every good player, there's a poor one, 1141 01:19:27,820 --> 01:19:29,922 and the poor ones (laughs) don't even know 1142 01:19:29,922 --> 01:19:31,422 the gun is loaded. 1143 01:19:32,380 --> 01:19:34,660 But don't worry about Ilene. 1144 01:19:34,660 --> 01:19:37,478 As they say in the TV Westerns, 1145 01:19:37,478 --> 01:19:38,988 it's only a flesh wound. 1146 01:19:38,988 --> 01:19:41,738 (siren whirring) 1147 01:19:47,820 --> 01:19:51,320 And so ends one game of suburban roulette. 1148 01:19:54,420 --> 01:19:56,900 - Is mommy going to be all right? 1149 01:19:56,900 --> 01:19:58,768 - Everything's gonna be all right. 1150 01:19:58,768 --> 01:20:01,518 (siren whirring) 1151 01:20:07,580 --> 01:20:09,639 - [Narrator] But don't worry about it, folks. 1152 01:20:09,639 --> 01:20:10,890 Even before you know it, 1153 01:20:10,890 --> 01:20:12,757 there'll be another game starting. 1154 01:20:12,757 --> 01:20:14,399 Just keep watching, 1155 01:20:14,399 --> 01:20:17,899 and don't go too far away from your phone. 1156 01:20:33,398 --> 01:20:34,870 ♫ Where is my wife 1157 01:20:34,870 --> 01:20:36,891 ♫ Has anyone seen her 1158 01:20:36,891 --> 01:20:40,710 ♫ Is she ring-a-dinging with that swinging set 1159 01:20:40,710 --> 01:20:44,670 ♫ The other guy's wife is always greener 1160 01:20:44,670 --> 01:20:47,670 ♫ Suburban roulette 1161 01:20:49,068 --> 01:20:51,401 ♫ Roulette